22.4.09

It's A Living

FADE IN:


EXT. DARK STREET - NIGHT

The street appears empty and damp. Hardly any of the lights
on the street lamps are working, and the one that is
flickers. We hear footsteps, distant at first, but they get
louder.

And then we’re running, trailing the black bootstrapped feet
of some unseen person. We pan up, seeing a flowing red
shiny cloak and curly blond hair, all wrapped around the
stunning figure of ALEXIS SMART. Pistols swing with her arms
as they pump through the air. We hear her breathing hard.

She approaches the end of what looks like an alley. Then we
hear other FOOTSTEPS, heavier ones. And along with it, a
JINGLE JINGLE. Alexis’s eyes go wide with realization just
as she turns the corner...

WHAM!! She collides with someone. Bodies fly, roll and
sprawl onto the ground. Alexis whirls and instinctively
points her guns at the other figure rolling around
painfully on the ground. Whoever it is is wearing cowboy
boots with spurs.

ALEXIS
God Dammit, Chuck! 

The other collider is CHARLES MCKENZIE, a mid-30s guy who’s
trying his hardest to play the part of a cowboy from the Old
West.

But this isn’t the Old West, this is...

NYC A.D. 2067

The date and setting appear on the screen as a ten-gallon
hat tumbles through the street.

Charles- a.k.a Chuck, Chucky, Chuckster, Mac, or whatever
Alexis feels like calling him at any given time- coughs and stands up with
plenty of MPHHS and AHHHS.

CHARLES
The hell you think you doing
tearing through here like that? 

ALEXIS
(getting to her feet)
Me? Me?! You’re supposed to be over
on 56th bagging Old Man Buzzard or
whatever the freak his name is! 

Charles walks over and picks up his hat. He dusts it off and
slaps it on his head, crooked like.

CHARLES
Listen, Missy... Don’t you...
(beat)
Wait... why were you running? 

Alexis stands and attempts to catch her breath.

ALEXIS
(walking toward Charles,
counting on her fingers)
There are only two reasons a girl
runs. One, bad date. Two, because
something is chasing her. 

Alexis whirls and faces back down the alley. It’s dark so
that you can hardly make anything out.

Then some four-legged creature gallops out of the darkness
and leaps into the air. Alexis drops and rolls, and takes
one shot. PFFFT! It’s not a bullet, but a dart. It sticks in
the chest of the beast, which YELPS and spills onto the
pavement.

Charles is there in seconds, pulling a bit of rope from his
belt and hog-tying the animal. We see now it’s a large black
dog.

CHARLES
That the dote or a tranq? 

ALEXIS
Tranq. Had one in each gun. 

CHARLES
Good. We’ll get this furry fella to the doc.
He’s getting closer. 

Charles finishes tying the animal up and rests his hands on
his knees. He pulls a flask from his boot and drinks. He
offers it to Alexis, who has gotten up and wandered over.

ALEXIS
No thanks.
(beat)
So about my job. Didn’t get it
done. Cujo here got in the way. 

CHARLES
Zombie pets. Makes for an
interesting evening. Thought you
said we’d be done by two? 

ALEXIS
Shut up, Chuck. 

There’s a distant sound, a MOAN, and both Alexis and Charles
straighten a bit.

ALEXIS (CONT’D)
Where’s the cart? 

CHARLES
(thumbs over shoulder)
Around the block. 

ALEXIS
Get it. It’s dinner time, and we’ve
got company. 

Charles gets up and jangles off in the direction he pointed.
But Alexis isn’t looking after him. Her eyes are looking in
the opposite direction, where the street is slowly filling
with shambling figures. Zombies.

We hear a sound like a blender. Alexis turns and Charles
rolls up in a slightly modified golf cart. He hops out while
it’s still rolling and lifts the sleeping dog to put it in a
large basket mounted on the back. Alexis, her eyes still on
the advancing mob, jumps behind the wheel and punches the gas
just as Charles gets back in. They zoom off away from the
zombie horde.


EXT. GOLF CART - NIGHT

Charles opens a compartment in front of him and pulls out a
sawed off shotgun. There’s a sticker on it that says ZOMBIE
COLLECTION AGENCY. And below it, a hokey slogan, which he
reads...

CHARLES
It’s a living. 

Alexis rolls her eyes.


EXT. DARK STREET - NIGHT

The cart drives off into the distance.

MAIN TITLES BEGIN

Throughout the titles, we see an animated montage of the
world descending into the madness that is a zombie
apocalypse. "Mad World" by Tears for Fears sets the tone.

As the images come to an end, the music fades out and we’re
back to the cart. It takes a hard left turn and accelerates.


EXT. GOLF CART - NIGHT

We are looking at Alexis’s eyes in the cart’s rearview
mirror. They are focused on the road, but then look up to
check the mirror. She squints, and then her eyes pop wide
open.


EXT. DARK STREET - NIGHT

Alexis slams on the brakes and the cart comes to a halt.
Charles gets the worst of it, as he's not wearing a seat
belt and is completely unprepared. He smashes into the
plexiglass windshield and then rocks back onto the seat, his
hat covering his face.

CHARLES
(muffled)
The God damn hell you doing? 

Alexis doesn’t answer. She’s out of the cart, staring back
behind them down the wide street. A few blocks down there
are five or six zombies covered in a net. Next to them is a
big UPS truck that has been repainted. The logo on the side
is unreadable from this distance.

On the other side of the cart, Charles gets out. His hat is
in one hand and he’s holding his other hand over his eye.

ALEXIS
Any ideas what that is? 

Down the street the net tightens over the zombies and lifts
them off the ground via a mini-crane mounted on top the van.
The zombies swing back and forth. Their GROANS carry to our
heroes' ears on a light breeze.

CHARLES
A bored dog catcher? 

Alexis walks to the corner of the street, trying to get a
better look. She turns back to Charles.

ALEXIS
Let’s go find out. 

CHARLES
We should really get the Hound of
the Baskervilles back to the
office. 

A louder GROAN is heard, and Alexis turns back around to
look down the street to her right.

ALEXIS
Horde alert. 

A few zombies are shambling toward her. She throws up her
hands.

ALEXIS (CONT’D)
Just when it was getting fun. 

CHARLES
Get over here. We can play
detective later. We’ve got two more
to breathe life into before sunup. 

ALEXIS
(salutes)
Yes sir! 

Behind her, the van with the netted zombies squeals its
tires and speeds off. She raises her sunglasses and squints.

ALEXIS (CONT’D)
I don’t like this, Chucky. Not one
bit. 

Charles and Alexis get back into the cart and drive off.

No comments:

Post a Comment